The Ritual of a Spanking (or any serious scene.)

Before attempting a ritual, or a ritual to a spanking scene, make sure that your play partner is even interested in ‘being held accountable’. Some players have no interest so it’s best in your negotiations you ask, “What kind of spanking scene do you imagine: Playful, Discipline, Maintenance, Sensuous, Erotic, Percussion, or just get to it?”

Some spankos dream of the “ritual” of a disciplinary spanking because it is what we have seen in television and movies since we were children (less in modern times, of course), historical novels, and many of the videos made for the scene. There is a progression which may be something like this:

1. Warning: The top warns the errant bottom that a behavior is not acceptable and that there will be consequences (described clearly).
2. Caught and Chastised: Because the bottom keeps up the unwanted behavior, the top takes action in exasperation, taking the bottom off to be punished, as promised.
3. Consequences or Punishment pronounced: private, the top once again explains why the bottom is to be punished and how it will be done.
4. The Spanking: A controlled, loving punishment is given.
5. Forgiven: When the spanking is over, the top forgives the bottom (and the bottom acts contrite). At SCONY, we usually hug each other after a spanking.
6. Nurtured: Depending on where the couple is and how much time is available, the bottom may want to be comforted longer.

Think of how often you’ve seen (or imagined) this acted out. It’s why warnings thrill the bottom. Why the top takes time to do things like arrange the furniture or (if a male) roll up his sleeve carefully. Etc.

While not everyone wants all of these things in a scene, please be aware that many people deeply wish for many of these elements:

• Privacy.
• Timing is controlled and not rushed.
• No joking. (A least there is an effort to not be all laughs.)
• Advance pronouncement and some details of the planned spanking, which gives the bottom time to think, anticipate, and worry – which can go on for hours, days, and months. Just make sure the spanking eventually happens.
• All details are administered as promised.
• Completed with a gentle ending: held, rocked, put to bed.

Note, however, that you need to check on a number of things before you assume all bottoms want the same thing:

• Ask if the bottom wants you to take on the identity of parent, teacher, authority figure – or absolutely none of the above. For many bottoms, it’s a complete turn-off to be treated as a child by a daddy, for example.
• If this is your first play together, ask if the bottom is willing to be bared – don’t assume the answer is yes until there’s a comfort level.
• Again, talk about whether or not implements will be used.

None of this changes the basics of taking the scene seriously, but clarifies things for both of you.

The ritual of a spanking is often more important to the ladies than the men so I’m asking all tops to give this some thought. Here is the best way I can describe what I’m thinking: The Ritual is to spanking what foreplay is to sex. Men can do without it but women like all they can get. This is a generalization, but I’m trying to communicate.