OPTILAP: A Suggested Idea for Successful Party Spanking

by Ms. Margaret Davis

OPTILAP (Old-fashioned, Platonic, Traditional, Institutional, Loving And Parental) discipline is a suggestion for general play that precedes a more intimate or specific scene. It is a way to make a spanking work for tops and bottoms who may not know the fine details of the other player’s mind. Assuming one has communicated basic styles and safety, it often takes time to learn the finer points of a player. In the meantime, you may be spanking and interacting at parties and, I assume, you would want the most successful experiences along the way.

When I put the SCONY parties together I found that too many players presumed too much about what was taking place in the other person’s mind. I had a difficult time expressing the need for something more natural and less intrusive on other people’s head space. There simply wasn’t a term out there for something I call: “Interactive, group socializing to re-establish and secure timeless community standards through the use of Old-fashioned, Platonic, Traditional, Institutional, Loving And Parental discipline.”

Examples of “timeless community standard”‘ would be punctuality, honesty, good table manners, and any other acts of refinement. Being held accountable was neither role play nor age play. While role play and age play are legitimate choices, they don’t seem to be the natural experience many people like.

The end goal of role play is to be in a role. The role could be anything from a ten year old to the Queen of England. In discovering a role a person has, the liberty to explore all the activities this persona would encompass, which could include anything from baby talk to costumes. It may or may not include spanking.

The same could be said about age play. If you see yourself as three, you are acting out all the indulgences of being three. It doesn’t necessarily include spanking.

At parties I noticed some people were having difficulty enjoying other players because too much was assumed as the spanking scene commenced. There were tops visualizing a spanking with an adult and getting distracted with bottoms using baby talk. The opposite happened when bottoms heard sexual references while they looked to experience a parental feeling of discipline and leadership. (A recent poll showed that 42 percent of spankers prefer a punishment spanking before three other styles of erotic, playful and maintenance.) Too much touching and rubbing from an envisioned parental figure was not a match for the more innocent approach of a bottom looking for discipline.

When a group of nice people get together for enjoyable spanking there has to be a way to please more people by backing up and mapping out a few ideas about party spanking.


In order to accommodate a greater amount satisfaction for both parties I’ve listed few ideas:

1. Keep specific images private and within your own head. Don’t “throw your need” onto another player who, as far as you know, may not want the scene to head into certain directions. By keeping some details private it allows space for your partner to keep from getting distracted. If you see yourself as ten, fine, but no one else needs to know that. The person spanking you may be envisioning you as an adult. If you see yourself as spanking an adult, be aware they may be feeling like a child. To make adult remarks or move on to sensuous touching will ruin the child-like experience they may be enjoying. “Package” your scene so that everybody wins.

2. Use generic terms. Mr., Mrs., Ms., Yes Sir, No Sir/ Ma’am are fairly common to most roles and ages. Words that may throw off someone else (unless you’ve talked about it) are Mommy, Daddy, Auntie, Mistress, Master, etc. Certain words, if said loudly enough, can be distracting for an entire room of people and take away from a more natural setting.

3. Keep it platonic. If you have erotic thoughts keep them to yourself until the other person has clearly indicated that your desires are welcome. Keeping a spanking platonic is the hardest step for the men but, frankly, it’s the most important until otherwise is indicated. It’s understandable to respect sensuous and erotic spanking. It’s a fine way to act out the spanking if both parties have agreed and consented that this is where the spanking is headed. To assume otherwise is presumptuous.

4. Attend a SCONY party. The protocols and style of these events are listed so that the most amount of pleasure can be experienced in the brief time we have. I really don’t want to say, “Don’t do age play or role play at a SCONY party.” I just want to explain that there is a way to do it so the whole room doesn’t get pulled into something that isn’t fun for them.

OPTILAP Explained

  • Old-Fashioned: Usually a domestic setting or a school situation. It may or may not include antique clothes and a specific spot (woodshed, bedroom, kitchen). More common items would be cotton panties, flannel pajamas, old-fashioned girdle-garter belts, plaids, razor straps, hairbrushes, canes, etc.
  • Platonic: “This spanking is for your own good.” “I’m doing this because I care.” Platonic spanking is not sexual. Sensuous touches or adult remarks may ruin the experience for the other person.
  • Traditional: Spanking has been going on for centuries. It’s nothing the fetish world created. It has time-honored traditions, such as the straightback chair, the strong use of the hand, the kitchen spoon, the belt, the slipper and an endless list of household supplies. More important than the items is the use of words: “Come here.” ” Go get the hairbrush.” “Bend over.” “You wait until I get you home.” “Go to your room.”
  • Institutional: It could be a school or orphanage that runs through your mind. Some people with adult visions picture an office setting.
  • Loving: The spanking is enriched with respect. It is neither brutal nor out of control. The reasons and parameters have been discussed and a fitting scene is acted out responsibly.
  • Parental: By that I don’t mean, “You be the mommy and I’ll be the daddy.” Parental means a person in a guiding role — someone who cares enough about you as a person and will take the time to instill the values you learned from your parents (assuming your parents were good people).

Serious, intense pain and forceful hitting is not the most important component to a successful spanking. It is the intent, the style and the maturity with which it is delivered and received. A spanking is not an endurance test and no one is keeping score. The experience should be fun and pleasurable.

The more players communicate, the more likely all the details of fantasy get fulfilled. That takes time and in the limited amount of time people have at a party not all things can be accomplished. OPTILAP is only a suggestion for general play, so you can enjoy yourself and the people around you.