Styles of Spanking
by Ms. Margaret Davis
I consider myself an avid practitioner of the spanking arts and a woman who makes a tremendous effort to carefully interview each person who must lie across my lap. I have found certain common threads among my findings. These pieces of information I combine with other printed material and experiences of spankers with whom I speak within the community. The focus of my listening is to submissive females, whom I feel are the most vulnerable.
When I started asking very direct questions as to where spankers like the scene to go I got a variety of responses. I was able to put them into five basic categories. It’s very risky to sound overly informed about something so personal and flexible as spanking. I feel as if I’m saying something so silly as, “This is the only way to raise a child” or “This is the only way to make love.”
Naturally, saying either sentence would be very foolish. My only purpose in categorizing anything regarding spanking would be to assist in some sort of communication between spankers and spankees so that the ultimate goal would be mutual pleasure.
Playful spankings occur with laughing and/or light topics of conversation. Often it includes baby talk but not always. This is the style most often seen at open parties because the mood is light and it invites others to take part, sometimes using “spanking games.” In playful situations the submissive often converts to a loving “brat,” which is often misunderstood as a masochist. Whether the brat instigates his/her own treatment or has lovingly been “set up” by the dominant, the lively submissive adds and certain amount of energy to the setting.
Unfortunately, since this is the style the S&M dungeon scene people see the most, they falsely assume that spankers are weak beginners at dominance and submission. The S&M scene has a long history of not understanding what we are really about but assuring the world they know how to spank. For me personally, as soon as I hear Master, Mistress, slave, and smell black leather I know we’re not talking about my kind of spanking. Or when the focus becomes something overly sexual or tremendously painful, then I know this S&M person hasn’t a clue as to how important the mental and emotional aspects are. The greater part of a good spanking takes place in your head, but you arrive there only with a good partner.
Punishment spankings, my personal favorite, can get into some very serious scenes and are often misinterpreted by those who don’t have that calling. These encounters can get personal and can be based on offenses that the receiver feels the need to have forgiven. It is often referred to as a “purification” that one may have experienced in childhood.
Serious punishment spankings can be so real that it is rare and awkward for them to occur in an open or public setting. The striking is very repetitive and can include some serious pain, although the pain itself is not the focus of the scene. Naturally, this is a scene one does not indulge in without mutual consent from the other partner. While the striking with a hand, hairbrush or paddle may be intense, the atmosphere is one of control and loving concern. The words seem to come straight from a parent’s lips.
“You know what’s going to happen and you know why. We have talked about this before, and you chose not to follow my instructions. Now, bring me the hairbrush and get over my knee.”
The room is quiet and the ritual begins. The pants are lowered, the naughty one is bent over and the spanking commences, stroke after stroke on the raised bottom. Should there be any signs of resistance, the one in charge should have a number of solutions readily available so that there is no misunderstanding that this spanking will happen according to plan.
In all honesty, I have seen very few dominants who know how to do a meaningful, loving, and serious spanking. I’m not talking about pain. Pain is not as big a part of the punishment as people think. A serious spanking scene — one that makes a submissive feel humble and forgiven — takes carefully crafted mental and verbal skills that pierce their way into the heart and mind of the one who is over your lap.
Even during a serious punishment spanking I make sure there is some sort of safe word or signal. However, I have found that when you use reason and logic during the scene as to why this spanking must happen in the most strictest fashion possible, submissives will take as much pain as they can because they have been lovingly convinced that it is for their own good and in their best interests.
Rarely do I ever end a punishment spanking without some kind of nurturing — some sort of reassurance that this was done out of love. When I do not cuddle at the end, it is usually because they are being sent to bed early, tucked in and lights out.
Maintenance spankings can be “just because.” The dominant knows that the submissive is due and doles it out accordingly. Or maybe the dominant is just in the mood to please their own calling. It’s been said that many a submissive willingly comes to the dominant and simply asks for a spanking because they know they need it.
Sensual spankings tend to be an experience of exciting the senses; the feeling of a warm lap beneath you and the embarrassment of having your bottom high in the air. This is an experience that focuses on touch, such as firm hands unfastening your clothes and putting you in place over pillows, over a couch, or over a knee. You feel your skin being soothed with a hand then smacked a few times. The spanking itself is interspersed with other types of touches. Fingernails and/or fingertips gently scratching along the backs of your thighs and calves; a warm hand kneading your back; those fingertips or nails again, this time scratching the cheeks of your bottom; all theses can add to the sensuality of the experience. There is a whole collection of implements that make a sensuous spanking like a gentle massage.
A word of caution, however, is that just because a spankee relaxes and submits to this relaxing experience, it does not mean that they necessarily are inviting you to touch private areas. Gentle slaps and soft touches may be all they want and to go further without checking could ruin your chances of playing together again.
Erotic spankings have more touching and stroking in between slaps of a less rhythmic cadence. Private areas are readily touched and any position is possible. If both parties are into spanking the whole process can lead to outrageous sexual satisfaction. The difference between this and a sensual spanking is that the sensations an erotic spanking focuses on are more sexual in nature, while a sensual spanking is about the sensations on the skin.
Finally, I must add that there is nothing in this article that is absolute or written in stone. I offered a few categories for starting points but any combination is possible.