Advice for Newbies to Spanking
by Ms. Margaret Davis
Privacy and Personal Safety
Go slow and get to know a group one person at a time. You never know who’s listening or what their real intent is. Down the road, if you have an a falling out with someone, you don’t want them to have any private information they could use against you.
Read the basic rules that everyone should know on Universal Protocol for All Dominance and Submission Scenes in All Communities. If you are attending a SCONY party read: SCONY Protocols.
Use a Scene Name
It could be your middle name or any name out there you would like to be called. Sometimes a scene name indicates whether you are top or bottom. In SCONY we only use the titles Mr., Ms., Mrs., or Miss to indicate tops. Get more important tips on choosing a scene name. (Reading these before signing up could save you some embarrassment and regret later.)
Use Anonymous Email
Once you have a scene name, get a Gmail, Hotmail or Yahoo email account and keep all your scene matters separate from personal accounts on your computer.
One thing to keep in mind if you join our chats and forums: You may receive emails from others who invite you to join their groups (via services like Grouply) or try to engage you in some way. Be very careful with requests like this. If you’re not coming to the chats — or if you come but have not interacted with the person sending you the email — you are taking risks by replying.
Snail Mail Considerations
Have a mailing address. If you can’t use a home address, get a PO Box or Mailbox number nearby. If you don’t have an address it’s difficult for SCONY or other clubs to mail you tickets, magazines, mailed information or items you ordered through the Internet.
Keep Private Info Private
Keep your private matters to yourself: your address, your real name, your job, where you work or anything about your family.
A special note of caution about photos: It’s not a good idea to be sharing pictures of yourself with anyone, if maintaining your anonymity is important to you. This includes sending pictures of yourself from your scene email account or allowing people to take pictures/videos of yourself at events or in scenes. (Note: SCONY does not allow cell phones or cameras to be out at any events, but some spanking groups do. To be forewarned is to be forearmed.)
As a general rule, the more you reveal about yourself, the more vulnerable you will feel if a relationship goes south. A little common sense goes a long way in keeping yourself safe.
Meeting someone for the First Time
- If they seem crazy they probably are. Think twice.
- Have and use safe words/signals. In SCONY the word”‘yellow” means slow down, “RED” means stop. Putting your hand on a top’s ankle means you’re hitting too hard; lighten up. Other people have different words. Don’t be too shy to use them. Either tops or bottoms may want to call a halt to the action.
- Always use safe words. Even when the words (or signals) are negotiated, it’s wise for a top to be aware that a new bottom often hesitates to use them. They may be too anxious, shocked or unbalanced to communicate clearly. Until you’re sure they will use safe words and signals, read body language and pay attention.
- If it’s your first meeting, take it slow. You can always do more next time; you can never go back and do less
- Try to get to know a player in public first. Go to a party or one of the clubs and meet them there. Several times if you must, but go slow.
In getting to know bottoms’ needs, have them write out what they want and enjoy in an email, letter or story.
- Make sure in any agreement, it’s clear the action will stop when either player uses safe words or safe signals. Save all this information.
Traveling To Meet a Top
- If a male player wants to meet you, have him come to your territory first. Once you get on the plane and you’re far from all you resources, you are completely vulnerable to what may happen.
- If you’re a bottom and meeting a new top have a “safe person.” A safe person is someone you trust with knowing you are going for a play session. It should be a friend from the scene. Give the safe person his name, address and phone number and tell the safe person that you will be calling him/her at regular intervals and when you are safely home.
- Be careful of the ego resume: “I’ve been doing this for 10 years; I know what I’m doing.” Maybe they do but they obviously are ignoring that your personal needs may not be the same as everyone else’s.